Nimona and The Church
How a movie shows the relationship of the church to queer people
“I’m Nimona”-Nimona
Nimona is one of Netflix’s newest family films. A funny film about a knight who is framed for murder and reluctantly teams up with a unique sidekick to solve the crime. It was highly entertaining and worth every minute I spent watching it. What I saw in Nimona was a very unique look at how the modern Evangelical church treats and views LGBTQ+ individuals.
This film was adapted from a set of comics. Originally these were online and eventually were published. I highly recommend watching this video to see a good discussion on the history of the comics, their author, and a brief overview of how they were meant to be viewed. I don’t want to take away from the author’s perspective at all. Instead, I wanted to discuss some of the themes and how they overlap with those of us who are Queer and raised in the church. Particularly the Evangelical churches in the United States.
Note: this could apply to other churches as well, but I’m sticking with Evengelicalism in its many forms as this is my personal background.
CW: I will be discussing discrimination, depression, self harm, and suicidal ideation.
Also, there will be spoilers in this post. So, you may want to watch the movie before reading further.
“You can never let your guard down, because the monsters are always out there” -Nimona
The beginning of the movie starts out with the basic premise that a 1,000 years ago, Gloreth, the champion, had chased away, or defeated a great evil. To keep people safe, a kingdom was established with a literal wall around it that locks out all the monsters. No one enters or leaves this protective boundary. Even the knights, who are trained to fight monsters and protect the kingdom, do not leave. You see this when Nimona is questioning Ballister Boldheart.
Nimona: Have you ever been outside the wall?
Ballister: Yeah, ‘cause I have a death wish. No! No one has!
In the movie, the people inside the city are unaware of anything else in their world. They don’t know what the landscape is like, what the flora and fauna are like….They don’t even know what “monsters” are really there, just some myths passed down for the last 1000 years. By the end of the movie, you are shown the world is a beautiful place with majestic mountains, picturesque lakes, and other wonders. You also discover that the monsters are not quite what they seem. (More on that later)
The church may not have things like a boundary wall, and fear of monsters, but the ideas put forth in the church are very similar and have similar results. From an early age people are told that they are to “be in the world, but not of it.” This comes from a few scattered verses in John, and other books in the New Testament (Jn 15:19; Jn 17: 14-16; Romans 12:2; Eph 4:22-24; 1 Thess 4:1).
I remember hearing sermons warning about being friends with non-believers, or even those who didn’t hold to the same exact form of Christianity as we did, because they could “lead us astray.” We were taken from school and given a Christian curriculum through our church, to help protect us from “worldly influences.” When I was looking at colleges, Christian colleges and universities were encouraged because they would help reinforce my faith and let me dive deeper into the Bible. Of course, this was only certain colleges because other ones had let in outside influence and were no longer “pure”, or “good” theologically.
Using Christian books, schools, music, and other influences acts much the same way as that wall. While the “potential dangers” may be kept at bay, it also limits the knowledge of the people in those circles. What this looks like practically, is kids being raised not knowing individuals who are openly LGBTQ+. Many individuals in these circles don’t even know anyone from the LGBTQ+ community, or they interact with them on a very surface level. Their thought process is “The least amount of exposure, the better. It’s safer”
“Once everyone sees you as a villain, that’s what you are. They only see you one way, no matter how hard you try.” -Nimona
“You’re a monster!” -Ballister Boldheart
Ballister and Nimona are both victims of being different. Boldheart is not of the correct class of person to become a knight. Yet as a child, through a bold move, he manages to get the attention of the queen and pursue his dreams. Nimona is hiding in plain sight, keeping her appearance as human as possible when out in the open. She lives in the shadows, hiding from the society that would see her abilities to shape shift and call her a monster.
Both Nimona and Ballister are seen receiving scorn. One from the knights who are from the “proper families”, the other from others on the street who seem to see there’s something “other” about her. In Ballister’s case, being the best knight they have, and dating Ambrosius Goldenloin, who comes from the most prestigious family, doesn’t seem to help him. In Nimona’s case, she can only act out and give a “I don’t care” attitude.
When they first join together, Ballister reacts the same way he’s been trained to—with fear and derision. The fact that Nimona has these extra abilities makes her different from him, and even though he knows what that is like, he still responds the way others responded to him. The boundary and talk around “monsters” has done its job well.
As those in Evangelicalism come face to face with those from the LGBTQ+ community, they often will pull away. They limit exposure by avoiding friends and family who are openly Queer. They refuse to watch, or read, anything that even hints at a character who might be LGBTQ+ in some way. They are told these people are “bad” in some way, and that is all they need to know.
Cloistering off people, particularly children, doesn’t keep them from becoming gay, or trans. What it does do is keep individuals from having the language and understanding to know what they are. It isolates people, making them feel as though they are alone, the only ones to be having these experiences. When you combine this with the fact that anything they do hear tells them they are sinful and going to hell…well, that becomes a very horrible combination.
“You should be questioning everything right now.” -Nimona
Ballister goes through two distinct, but intertwined journeys in this film. The first comes when he meets Nimona and realizes what she is. He is meeting a “monster” for the first time. Yet, this being is helping him. She is funny, smart, and rather handy in tricky situations. Just getting to know her forces him to re-evaluate everything he’s been taught about people who are different.
It helps that Nimona is unapologetically herself. He continuously tries to figure out “what” she is, always receiving the response, “I’m Nimona.” As if that explains everything. At one point, tired of his constant questioning. Nimona launches into a tale about a wishing well. She finishes with:
“I summoned my courage, held the coin tight, threw it into the well, and made a wish. A wish to one day be trapped on a subway with an uptight knight asking me small-minded questions.”
Ballister eventually begins to see Nimona as a person and friend. She is his main support through one of the toughest moments in his life. He then attempts to show others the same.
Many who become acquainted with LGBTQ+, whether because they refuse to cut ties, or are in proximity due to work, school, etc, often find themselves going through a similar process to Ballister. They realize these individuals are not “bad” people, they’re just people. This leads them to wrestle with the beliefs and passages that they have used against the LGBTQ+ community.
The second journey starts when he and Nimona find out the Director is the true murderer. This forces Ballister to examine the kingdom and his role in it. Nimona encourages this, and often asks the questions he’s either been blind to, or refused to ask. While finding out about his betrayal acts as the catalyst, Nimona acts as the guide for the deconstruction of his long held beliefs.
This deconstruction is often distressing as other beliefs often follow. Much like a house of cards, you pull on one, and the rest fall. This questioning can happen very quickly or over a span of time.
For me personally, I found myself questioning, and letting go of toxic beliefs, for years before I really did the work. There were many things in life calling for my attention, and I couldn’t spend the emotional energy to work through them while I was in survival mode. However, because the questioning had been going on in the back of my mind, when I did focus on it, things moved quickly.
“A lie? Says the guy running around with a monster!” -Ambrosious Goldenloin
As soon as people know Nimona is a “monster” their reactions to her change. Ballister reacts with fear and even reaches for his sword when he realizes she’s not all she seems. The knights of the Institute act with suspicion when they first see Nimona, but that quickly turns to fear, and loathing the minute they find out what she can do. Even when she saves a little girl’s life, the child responds with fear, and picks up a sword as though attempting to fight, and harm, Nimona.
It’s important to note, Nimona is called a monster by others, but never calls herself one, and she vehemently is opposed to the title. The only basis for those around her to call her a “monster” is the fact that she is different. She does wreck things, but never permanently harms people, which is more than those from the Institute can say.
Goldenloin: Oh, and on top of that, I chopped his arm off! His arm! Who chops off an arm? Because I was trained to?
Ambrosious even takes the arm of the person he loves, because of his training. There is no room in the world of the Institute for questioning, there’s no room for the grey. Those who do are automatically seen with suspicion and disdain. Even those who come in contact with Nimona are seen this way, unless they try to harm/kill her.
The label of “sinner” has the same effect as the word “monster” in many ways (some of those are mentioned before). When someone comes out to those they know in Evangelical circles they gain that label. From that point on, it allows Evangelicals to dismiss anything the person thinks, says, or has even experienced. They are now “deceived” and cannot be trusted. This leads to the exclusion of the LGBTQ+ person.
Any person who is even slightly affirming of LGBTQ+ is ridiculed, shamed, and shunned. One more recent example of this is when pastor Andy Stanley made a comment about how great the faith of LGBTQ+ Christians is. He immediately went viral with people posting how wrong he was, how unbiblical, etc. He never stated an actual stance on homosexuality, trans rights, or anything else. All he did was state the church has treated LGBTQ+ Christians terribly, and yet they still have faith. He was attacked just for stating there are people who identify as both.
This shaming and attacking of those who might be affirming has a distinct purpose. It keeps those who want to disagree, or who find the actions of the church harmful, quiet. The loss of community is a huge tool to control people. It keeps potential allies quiet and alienates anyone who might help and support those from the LGBTQ+ communities.
So not only does this label of “sinner” harm the person given it, it harms all of those who even come in contact with them. It’s no wonder families drive out their LGBTQ members, and treat them as “other”. They can lose all privilege, standing, and support if they don’t.
“My mind? I’ve lost my mind. I’ve lost everything.” -Ambrosius Goldenloin
During the search for Ballister, you get snippets of insight to what is happening among the other knights. In particular, you see Ambrosius struggling to reconcile the man he knew to the murderer everyone says Boldheart is.
At points in the story, Ballister and Ambrosius meet. Ballister pleads with Goldenloin to see his point of view. At first, Ambrosius is confused, but still following the letter of the law. Even when Ambrosius is shown evidence of Ballister’s innocence, he struggles to believe him as the Director is there to give an explanation. This threatens their relationship, as well as Ballisters life and freedom.
Ballister is also struggling. He’s become more friendly and familiar with Nimona. He is realizing how terrible the system is. Even though he has come to mostly trust Nimona, when faced with potential evidence that she is the monster of history, he goes back to question her. This causes Nimona to feel betrayed and she runs away.
When those in Evangelical circles start to question, and become allies, they often face the impending loss of everything. To keep the church safe, affirming pastors will be fired, and those who speak up for LGBTQ+ rights are often ostracized and kept at a distance. For those who realize they are Queer, the steaks are much higher as they often lose connection even to their families.
These people and their allies will often lose their jobs, community, and families. Then they will be told it is their fault. The Evangelical community justifies this, just like the Director did, through a few scattered passages, and years of tradition.
“Kids. Little Kids. They grow up believing they can be a hero if they drive a sword into anything different. And I’m the monster? I don’t know what’s scarier. The fact that everyone in this kingdom wants to run a sword through my heart, or that sometimes I just want to let them.” -Nimona
Nimona mentions to Ballister how the continuous hate and segregation affect her. She even admits that sometimes it comes close to unbearable. When she loses Boldheart’s support, it’s the last straw. She goes on a rampage and decides to end it.
Often, those who are anti-trans equate being transgender with being depressed. What they fail to see is how living in a society that is not friendly and accepting causes issues. Over 500 anti-trans bills have been introduced in 2023, the highest on record in the United States. In places like Florida, many trans people, or parents of trans children, are desperately trying to move to safer states for them and their families. The constant fear of personal safety is a very real thing for many LGBTQ+, but especially trans people.
When my spouse came out as transgender, many of her family, and other Evangelicals we would call friends, gave her the stats regarding trans people and suicide or depression. They told her anti-trans rhetoric and distanced themselves from her. Many didn’t seem to realize their reactions are exactly why those stats are so high. Being transgender doesn’t make someone depressed and suicidal; lack of support, lack of community/family, and societal hostility does. Thankfully, she had built a “found family” of supporters, who loved her unconditionally. Thankfully, I was accepting. Many others are not so lucky.
As stated elsewhere in this blog the church encourages segregating away from those who are LGBTQ+. There’s often a myth that associating with them will make you the same as them. What it really does is foster an understanding and knowledge of their humanity. (It’s harder to discriminate against someone you have a good relationship with.)
In a general sense, Christianity as a whole is also the main push for those anti-LGBTQ+ and anti-trans legislative pieces that have been put forward. The various organizations and legislators that write and support these bills claim to be Christian. For those churches/Christians that spread the misinformation that comes along with these bills, or push for support of these things, they are directly responsible. Those who are silent, and allow this to all happen are also responsible. As Montana Representative Zoe Zephyr said, “Their blood is on your hands.”
This brings us to the Director and the Institute.
“I see what it really is…! That monster is a threat to our very way of life!” -The Director
Nimona and Ballister come up with a plan, and get the Director to admit to her crimes. She admits that “there are cracks in the wall”. By this she means the admittance of Ballister, a commoner, to the knights is a weakness. She then shows that she is willing to kill and destroy many in the city just to kill Nimona. She is a zealot who feels the ends always justify the means. She doesn’t care who gets hurt and in doing so, shows that the main mission of the Institute is to kill, not to protect.
The institute itself is a system that is harmful. People are excluded from training as and being a knight, just because they were born into the wrong family. You can see through this, and other looks at city life, that inequality is built into the system. It’s not just a problem that stops when Nimona is gone or if they even accept her. It’s not just the Director that is rotten, it’s the whole society.
We see zealots, like the Director, in Evangelical and Fundamentalist circles all the time. They will cut off any family, or friends, who are Queer, and often those who are affirming. They refuse to even understand, or admit, how their actions harm the LGBTQ+ community. They justify everything with, “Well, if they would just repent of their sin…”. That mentality and “fear of hell” are used to absolve themselves of all wrongdoing, even if it costs lives-and it does.
Just as there are “bad eggs”, like the Director in the church, the Evangelical system is also rotten. Trans people and other LGBTQ+ individuals are often attacked online by those with Christian, a cross emoji, or some other way of identifying as Christian/Evangelical. In churches, sermons can range from encouraging discrimination and harm to LGBTQ+, to being silent when harm is being done-which is essentially condoning the harm. Churches themselves work in many ways to make it damaging for those in the LGBTQ+ community to come out, visit, or attend regularly. Until the church does the work to understand why and change, they will continue to be seen as a dangerous and unsafe place that could cost people their lives.
And this brings us to the beginning. Gloreth.
"Go back to the shadows from whence you came."-Gloreth
In a flashback, you see Gloreth meet Nimona. They become good friends rather quickly. Gloreth even finds out about Nimona’s abilities and takes her to her village anyway. Everything seems normal; just two kids having fun.
Eventually Nimona is spotted with Gloreth while she’s in the form of a bear. The villagers react in fear for Gloreth’s safety and come to rescue her. Nimona changes to her human form in an attempt to soothe their concerns. This only leads them to attack Nimona. In attempting to escape, Nimona tries several different forms, and instead of letting her go, the villagers increase the lethality of their efforts.
At first Gloreth is worried for her friend. Then her mother grabs her and tells her, “That’s a monster.” This is all it takes for Gloreth to turn on Nimona.
Children don’t grow up seeing LGBTQ+ people as “sinners”. They are taught this. They often are just fine with those who are in the community. It’s when adults step in and tell them “these people are harmful” that they begin to change how they act and react around those of the LGBTQ+ community. This can even lead to children bullying and leaving their best friends, just like Gloreth did Nimona.
“I’m sorry. I see you, Nimona. And you’re not alone.”-Ballister
Nimona goes on a rampage after losing Ballister. She goes towards the statue of Gloreth, which is holding a sword out, and it seems like she will impale herself on it. Before she does, Ballister says the line from above. She stops, turns into her human form, and they hug.
With many LGBTQ+ people, they feel alone-especially if they have been raised in Evangelical/Fundamentalist spaces. They often feel as though they are evil. Just like Nimona they may come to a place where they just want the loneliness and ostracization to stop. All it takes to help is for those close to them to accept them. To love them as they are and remember that “arm chopping is not a love language.”
“Be right back. I’m gonna go break some stuff.”-Nimona
After reuiniting, Ballister and Nimona realize the Director is going to kill a lot of people. They are disconnected from the knights, with no way to know what is going on. All they see if the canon is preparing to fire on them and the city. Nimona turns into a giant creature of light, takes off, and destroys the canon. This saves the people of the city and destroys the wall the separated the inhabitants from the rest of the world.
A friend pointed out to me that Nimona was left to fight the system on her own (thank you Celeste). At the end of the day, the knights and all those who should have stopped the Director either turned away and did nothing, or failed in their attempts to stop her. This left Nimona as the only one left to fight, and sacrifice herself, when the stakes were life and death.
Often LGBTQ+ people, particularly trans people, are left to defend themselves. The strongest advocates for their rights are the trans people themselves. The constant need to defend themselves from misgendering, deadnaming, and even threats of violence, or death, is exhausting. As they are also a minority of the population, they require others to stand for their rights alongside them.
As mentioned before, in the current political climate, LGBTQ+ individuals, and in particularly, trans people, have been the targets of a lot of discriminatory legislation. At the heart of this are politicians and organizations, such as ADF, who claim to be Christian. This means churches cannot be silent bystanders. Up until now I have intentionally discussed Evangelical Christianity as that was the group I have been a part of. However, everyone under the umbrella of “Christian” has to take a stand. If they vote for the politicians pushing these agendas, vote for discriminatory legistlation, or remain silent, they are the knights facing the Director. They are allowing, or even encouraging, harm to come to those around them.
Leaders, and members, in various churches need to take a stand for the humanity of LGBTQ+ individuals. Those who call themselves Christians need to call out homophobic and transphobic jokes and comments, be informed, and vocal, about the damage the various laws and politicians are doing, and vote for the safety and humanity of LGBTQ+ individuals. They cannot be left to fight alone.
“if you wanna be someone ally, but haven't been hit by stones being thrown at them, you aren't standing close enough to them yet.” -Ethan Keller
As stated before, standing for LGBTQ+ people comes at a cost, much like the few knights that stood up to the Director were injured. People can lose their jobs, be shunned, called names, and sometimes much worse. As terrible as these things are, they are a fraction of what LGBTQ+ individuals face. By taking a stand, allies show they are willing to “take a few stones” along side those who are being actively harmed. They show they are not willing to sacrifice trans and other LGBTQ+ lives for their own comfort. They show they believe that “arm-chopping is not a love language”.